Unoffendable: The Art of Thriving in a World Full of Jerks by Einzelgänger

Author:Einzelgänger [Einzelgänger]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-12-07T17:00:00+00:00

Healthy detachment

I’ve already argued that the word ‘indifference’ may be a bit unfortunate. Even though the Stoic version of indifference aligns with their ideas of virtue, I don’t think it’s easy to sell indifference, since it can come off as uncaring, avoidance-seeking, even aversion. This doesn’t really sound like a fun place to be in. A term that’s more appropriate to describe this Stoic mindstate of being free from passions caused by external things is ‘healthy detachment.’ But, how do we decide what’s healthy and what’s unhealthy detachment?

Let’s do some reverse thinking here. Unhealthy detachment lies in the domain of nihilism. It’s the complete disinterest in life and the universe. If you’re detached to such a degree that you don’t care about anything in the world anymore, you may as well jump from the Golden Gate Bridge – don’t! There’s no point in living when one’s completely apathetic towards life.

Now, healthy detachment means that we are still very much involved in the world, but don’t cling to its treasures. Healthy detachment means that we can own stuff but that stuff doesn’t own us. For instance, the things I own are purely functional: a TV, a laptop, a computer, a camera, a bicycle, clothing, shoes, and basic furniture. I’m not emotionally attached to any of these things. If the apartment I rent were to burn down, I wouldn’t really care that much. I’d probably get some money from the insurance company to buy new stuff. Besides the inconvenience, life goes on.

The Buddhists concern themselves a lot with detachment. According to them, clinging and cravings (forms of attachment) are the very root of suffering. Take romantic relationships, for example. In today’s world, love is often mistaken for romantic love. But in most cases (if not all) romantic love isn’t loving at all. It’s an attachment. It’s lust. It’s a craving. How can we call something love if it has the propensity to switch from intense affection to intense hate all in one day? We can’t. True love always goes hand-in-hand with detachment. Genuinely loving another person is making that person feel free.

Clinging is the opposite of detachment. The problem with clinging is the denial of impermanence. Everything is in a state of flux. People and objects come and go, ideas and opinions change, the past is already gone and the future is uncertain. If we cling to any of these things, we want something that’s already gone or hasn’t yet arrived. Wouldn’t it be better to detach ourselves from living in such a way that we are engaged, yet not bothered, by the ever-changing state of nature? When everything other than our own actions is beyond our control anyway, then why attach to it?

Healthy detachment means that we do allow ourselves to care, and do allow ourselves to give a damn about what’s happening in politics or with our loved ones. But, at the same time, we do not attach to the world and arenʼt really bothered when the results do not match our preferences.

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